Walked in the door after giving away Clio and seriously lost it. She’s going with somebody who’ll love her – but omg…this really hurts.
..left until I leave the US, and move to Tallinn, Estonia and to my sweet husband.
I am a bundle of nerves – excited and full of panic.
I want to vomit and dance. Probably not a good idea if I do both at the same time.
I am hoping that by the time I do the 100 things I need to complete before I get on the plane, I’ll chill the hell out. I doubt it, though.
I have a feeling that I’m only going to relax once the plane is in the air, and a xanex with a bit of vodka is taken ;)
I cannot help but count down the days until I leave the US. It’s compulsory!
From: Saturday, April 21, 2018 at 9:23:11 am
To: Saturday, May 5, 2018 at 5:35:00 pm
Result: 14 days, 8 hours, 11 minutes and 49 seconds
Alternative time units
14 days, 8 hours, 11 minutes and 49 seconds can be converted to one of these units:
- 1,239,109 seconds
- 20,651 minutes (rounded down)
- 344 hours (rounded down)
- 14 days (rounded down)
- 2 weeks
- 3.93% of 2018
…have been terminated as of May 1, 2018.
The saying goes the “grass is always greener on the other side”. I’ve come to know that it really isn’t the case. The place you live and the people in your life may change, but you really don’t. If the grass has burned, it stays burned on the other side, wherever you may be.
I learned a long time ago – almost 30 years now – that who I am deep down inside didn’t change when I moved from Nebraska to New York. I brought with me the sensibilities I grew up with. The essence of “eau de Michelle” was the same, even when everything around me was different.
What I have come to know is this:
The grass is always greener where you water it.
Don’t let the grass burn. Water it, and it’ll be as green as you need it to be. It’s pretty much that simple.
I have no idea how I will react to living overseas. I am sure there will be days that I miss the US, and want to go back. But I am sure there will be even more days when I don’t. Change is always a little scary. There are unknowns. Things are not the same and are not in your control. Customs, language, food, scents, people, colors, sounds can (and will) be totally different, and you can drown yourself in their difference. Or, as I did when I moved to New York, and hope to do when I move to Tallinn, I can submerge myself in the differences without the panic that comes by drowning.
That didn’t come naturally to me all those years ago. I had to learn how to enjoy a “slice and a soda” instead of a “pizza and a pop”. I had to realize that everything I knew to be true was still true to me, even when I was living with 8 million people around me, instead of 13,000. My sense of the world grew. There really is not a better place to be submerged than New York City – all colors, all cultures, the people, the clothes, the attitude, the love, the fear, and the acceptance of who and what you are. I never “fit in” in Nebraska. It took a while, but I felt (and still feel) like I fit in New York. I came to embrace the place I was living, and make it the best I could, calling it home for these last 30 years. I have no doubt that I will “fit in” quite nicely into Estonia. With a bit of time to figure it all out, that is.
I don’t expect it will be a quick process – it is going to take some time to adjust to a life in Estonia. I have an advantage in my best friend and husband being there to support me. And I’ve got my watering can ready.
Well, maybe I need a sprinkler. Gotta water the grass as much as needed. Green doesn’t happen on it’s own. It takes work. I’m going to risk what is safe for the uncertain.
I hope I’m up to it.